Posted in Blogging, Junk Shop Finds, TV and Films, Videos

Ghostly Babble

I recently watched a video by Russell Brand on the subject of ghosting. He said sometimes people really don’t mean to do it but if they do, it’s telling you something about that relationship. You don’t have to give that person up, but need to change your expectations. That is true, but I’ve realized that sometimes the ghoster is genuinely tired or depressed, but is still glad to hear from you. So Russell is right to say we should change our expectations — but sometimes it’s less about how valued we are and more about how the other person thinks, communicates or operates. Probably he meant that too, as it’s about managing ourselves and not others, accepting that others can’t always keep up.

So, is it possible to ghost one’s own blog? I accept it’s disappointing when a blogger writes posts you like but only twice a year! The best bloggers are the reliable ones who post frequently. There are YouTubers I’m always in the mood to listen to, and if they disappeared (which some unfortunately have), I’d feel at a loose end. Some have longish gaps between videos, for whatever reason, and I start casting around fractiously for recent signs of their existence. It’s worse these days because of frightening current events. I need ingormstion, reassurance and the sense of agreeable company.

That should have been ‘information’, not ‘ingormstion’  but it’s what happens when you type on the phone.

We are in my sister’s car in the town centre, drinking Costa coffee. I took it into my head to ask for espresso, and the small paper cup that came back felt strangely light.

“Awww,” I said. “A baby coffee!” and felt senselessly maternal. Drawing back the plastic lid, I found a tiny splash of dark coffee inside. It barely covered the bottom, and had a light fringe of pale bubbles.

It was certainly strong — tasted like hot Guinness. I don’t like Guinness. I’m more of a sweet stout person.

I started this post because a text said I was 80% through my data allowance. Having turned my connection off, I wondered what I could do that didn’t need the internet, and remembered my blog. Perhaps there’s a lesson in that. We are more likely to get on with pet projects if our option to go online and pootle about is curtailed.

The only thing I bought in town was a Red Dwarf boxset. TV is very dull, so every night at supper time we watch an episode from my collection of DVDs. We’re currently part of the way through the Upstart Crow boxset. I asked my mother which was her favourite actor in it, and she said Kate. Mine is Kempe. He gets a brief monologue in each episode and always makes me grin. He said real comedy isn’t what you say, it’s what you don’t say. I think that’s quite often true! When minds meet without a word being said, it’s funny.

Back to the topic of online videos and podcasts; I both love and detest them. They are where the real conversation is, but too often there are no captions and I can’t follow. More and more, when scrolling through Facebook, I find videos from platforms other than YouTube. The likelihood of them having captions is thus decreased by 99.7%. If there are captions, it’s because somebody burned them into the video, which I’m always grateful for. 🥰 I used to wish people didn’t do videos when they could write an article instead, but I don’t now. I just wish I could follow many more.

To finish, here is a video I found on YouTube a while ago, less than 5 minutes long:

Posted in Music I Like, TV and Films

Eurovision Song Contest 2018: one Scot’s viewpoint

The full results from the Eurovision Song Contest 2018 Grand Final can be found here — 26 entries in total.

I’ve had time to re-assess, and my placings have shuffled round a little. The following six are my top favourites of all the grand finalists:

  1. DenmarkHigher Ground” Rasmussen (Grand Final Result: 9)
  2. BulgariaBones” Equinox (Grand Final Result: 14)
  3. IrelandTogether” Ryan O’Shaughnessy (Grand Final Result: 16)
  4. MoldovaMy Lucky Day” DoReDoS (Grand Final Result: 10)
  5. ItalyNon Mi Avete Fatto Niente” Ermal Meta & Fabrizio Moro (Grand Final Result: 5)
  6. FinlandMonsters” Saara Aalto (Grand Final Result: 25)

My choices haven’t matched well with the final results! I do like a bit of drama in my music… Hungary came in at 7th place for me (21st in the Grand Final results). Ukraine wasn’t too far off either, with the burning stairs, and Australia was my 8. 🙂 Lucky magic number.

I absolutely loved the Danish Vikings, and the whipping wind with the blizzard. You could almost feel the cold.

Talking of drama, some took place during the show. SuRie had a stage invader who seized her microphone in the middle of her performance. We didn’t see the scene on TV, and I wondered later if we got an edited version with the invasion chopped out. It’s more likely we were only half paying attention and assumed all figures running about the stage were supposed to be there. At any rate, we had no idea what Graham Norton (our commentator) was talking about! Confusing to say the least.

I found myself thinking that nobody would have dared to dash on stage when the Vikings were in charge of it — the fellow would have come a cropper.

I liked the performance by the winner, Israel – ‘Toy’ by Netta — though not the song so much. Its happy-go-lucky vibe felt absolutely right for the Eurovision. My mother’s favourite was the German entry (‘You Let Me Walk Alone‘), but that was too sad for me — I couldn’t bear to watch it.

Cyprus was second this year. Despite the title (Fuego) I didn’t warm to the song — nor did Graham Norton, who said it was ‘standard Eurovision fare’. He also (ahem) failed to understand why people were so attracted to Moldova… same as I was, I guess. 🙂 Moldova sounded really good through my soundbar when I watched the semi-final, but the magic wore off after that… I’m not sure why. I wasn’t using the soundbar during the Grand Final when my mother was watching, so maybe the sound was too flat and tinny.

When Hungary was about to come on, somebody (I assume Graham Norton — I was depending on subtitles!) said if you have any pets or sensitive older folk around you, take them out into the garden till the next entry finished, as it’s heavy metal with lots of strobe lighting. I couldn’t help laughing out loud, and my mother frowned and pointed to herself.

I can’t remember any of my top favourites going on to win, at least not in recent years. I still have hope. At any rate, Eurovision 2018 is done and dusted now… so roll on Eurovision 2019!

Posted in Music I Like, Political and Social Issues, TV and Films

Eurovision 2018 Semi-Final One: brief thoughts

I haven’t forgotten about this blog! It wasn’t possible. Every few days I got a spammy email subscription or two, which always brought it to the forefront of my mind. In the end I gathered up enough energy to wade into my settings and turn the email subs off.

Tonight I was watching the first semi-final for the Eurovision Song Contest. The good news is, Ireland has got in. The bad news is, four entries I rated the very lowest also got in!

These were my favourite five from the first semi-final:

  • Bulgaria — Equinox “Bones”
  • Armenia — Sevak Khanagyan “Qami”
  • Finland — Saara Aalto “Monsters”
  • Ireland — Ryan O’Shaughnessy “Together”
  • Azerbaijan — Aisel “X My Heart”

Israel and Greece were also high on my list.

There are videos for all the songs here.

A little while before the song show tonight, I turned on my TV upstairs and checked the soundbar was working. Cranked up the volume till things started to boom a bit, and the BBC News just happened to be on. They were waiting for Donald Trump, so I saw and heard his entire speech about withdrawing from the nuclear deal with Iran. He signed a document and held it up for the cameras. Here in Scotland, his words echoed in the cool evening air.

The song contest was somewhat trumped by that little bit of political drama! In my view, Donald Trump’s the first real president America has had for decades.

I got nervous at that bit of my post, but Jordan Peterson said, “Always speak the truth,” and that rings in my ears. It’s as simple as that really.

Posted in Blogging, Life and Family, Observations, Technology and Software, TV and Films, Weekend Coffee Share

Coffee in April

If we were having coffee, I would apologize for not being around so much recently. Being polite, you would ask what I’ve been up to, and I would say well, nothing much. However, on a flip-through of my journal for the month of April, the following is revealed:


I was sorting books (yet again) and found:

Let’s Pretend This Never Happened‘ (Jenny Lawson)

“…she learns that life’s most absurd and humiliating moments, the ones we wish we could pretend had never happened, are the very same moments that make us who we are.”

Jenny Lawson is a blogger.

I often get cold feet about my own blog. I do value it, so could try again with a simple coffee post.


I want to keep the large padded footstool if possible, and had the sudden impulse to stick a blue Post-It note on it. That reminded me of Frasier telling his father and brother to put labels on the things they most wanted to inherit. The father thought it was a bad idea, and refused, but Niles had great fun sticking labels everywhere.


Looking around the internet, I find a lot of people fall asleep during Blade Runner. I was no exception. When I woke I was very confused… I thought it was morning, and wondered if Mum had got up yet. I couldn’t remember seeing her today at all, or anything else that might have happened. Slowly it came back to me that she had indeed got up, and had done things like set the robohoover to work.


I’m disoriented these days. It’s intensified because small plans are mooted, then suddenly change and I’m not informed, and I find myself working towards something that’s not going to happen, or isn’t going to happen the way I think, which changes everything…. It’s funny how people leave you out of the loop, then look at you as though you’re the bat with crazy ideas.


Mum’s just got up from her nap and is drinking caffeine-free instant coffee. She hasn’t drunk instant for years, so that took me by surprise. I didn’t even realize it was caffeine-free… I just thought it was good thinking on her part to buy a replacement when I was about to run out. I ran out today… so (feeling somewhat cheated) I said “we need more.”

I now have a silver tin, while Mum has the gold. Why does ‘caff free’ get to be gold??


Part-way through watching the Artificial Intelligence AI DVD on Mum’s TV while she was napping, which I’m not encouraged to do, I got tired minutes before she reappeared. I turned it off and left the TV on, so all she saw was snooker, which she’s still watching.


I love the teddy in AI… that’s why I bought it. The part of the story that’s painful is how the robo-boy has been imprinted on one human (his ‘mother’) and that’s an irreversible process, even though he’s likely to live a lot longer. If returned to Cybertronics after imprinting, they would have to destroy him. Rather than do that, they abandoned him in a wood with Teddy, and told him for his own safety not to go to Cybertronics or any large group of people.

But was that kind?

At the end of the film, it was easier for the boy to lose her forever while knowing he was loved, than to lose her heart and her mind… even knowing she was still alive somewhere. I didn’t understand that when I saw it before, but think now that I do.


Part of the problem with people now is that they expect perfection. All you need to do is check out one of those B&B TV reality shows… they knock marks off if there’s no TV or they have to share a bathroom, and they complain about dustbin men at 6 a.m.

Then there’s the perennial “there was a small spider in the corner.”

It makes you wonder.


I need to be consistent in myself, and that means doing what comes naturally to me. Saying what seems right to me. I’m confused enough without there being added confusion… an alien dynamic.

I run into fears I might overdo emails. After all, people are busy. Or they do all their communicating on diddly little iPod Shuffles. So I delay my responses, cut down a lot, and do so much self-editing that the authentic me isn’t coming though.


From my horoscope for April 25:

“Nearly everyone seems on edge today…. Unfortunately, you could inadvertently kick a hornet’s nest if you are careless with your words. Author Pearl Cleage wrote, “Discomfort is always a necessary part of the process of enlightenment.””

Overnight I had a Eureka moment that I’ve since forgotten. I don’t know if it was real or dreamed…


I hoovered downstairs (and the stairs themselves) and polished the tables, and felt tired the whole time, as though doing it was little short of a nightmare! I hope that book about the art of Japanese tidying is right when it says that when you finally get your possessions down to a more manageable level and tidy them away into their designated spaces, keeping the whole house clean will be easier and more fun.

“Those items that bring you the most joy, such as your divorce certificate, should be kept in your power spot. Every house will have its own power spot. To find yours, close your eyes and joyously chant: “Where’s my power spot?” If the answer does not come to you then you aren’t chanting joyously enough.”

A little while ago my iMac failed… or rather, one small component in it failed, which means the whole 27″ 30.5 lb weight of it (and some of the software on it) is scrap. I used to paint in that corner; create and maintain databases, organize my photo collection, back up my iPad, listen to music…

I haven’t been there since the iMac failed, and have felt confused and disgruntled ever since. I got a new computer but haven’t turned it on. I don’t know if it will run the software I’m used to running, and the thought of installing it all over again makes me not want to go through the process at all. However, without that resource, I don’t feel ‘me’ any more.

It’s time I addressed that, and brought my ‘power spot’ back into play. Today.


The hill out the back gets manure put on it annually. You go out into the garden and it’s suddenly reeking. I have thought a few times the cats were overdoing it…


A while ago when I suggested buying Sharpe books on Kindle for her birthday, Mum said no, she can’t concentrate enough on reading.

More recently, I took a pile of books downstairs to go to charity, and some time later thought “that’s funny, the pile looks smaller!” I peeked in Mum’s room, and she’d taken a book (The Vital Spark) and put it in her book rack.

That made me happy. 🙂

She’s also finished a slim library book by Ann Cleeves and bought herself a Kindle book.

It all makes me happy and I feel calmer. Also, today it was sunny. Rather cold, but the sun was gold on the trees and blossoms… just lovely.

I’ll miss it here.

Posted in Hearing Loss, Observations, TV and Films

Garden Puzzle

A few days ago we caught part of the Chelsea Flower Show on TV. I grumbled to Mum that TV subtitles have a habit of putting the wrong word, then are interrupted by a correction even when the mistake was easy to guess. You wish it would just get on with it, as it seems slow enough already.

I spoke too soon! During an interview with Stephanie Cole, she said (according to the subtitles), “my garden is quite of Excise.” I’m still trying to work out what that meant!

Posted in Life and Family, TV and Films

Brother Spider

There was a spider running across the floor in the gathering dark. I was aware of it before I looked down to see it run in a shambling way under the TV stand. In a vague way I had thought of it as being one of the cats, which is why I didn’t look sooner. Nobody else saw it, and I didn’t say anything. Live and let live.

We were watching a Brother Bear DVD… neither of us had seen it before. Mum said it she thought it was going to be like Yogi Bear, but I had a foreboding feeling it was something darker. I said “I hope it’s not going to be sad… a sort of beary Bambi!” Which is exactly what it was.

Part of the way through, I said “several of the story lines seem very familiar”, and Mum said ‘yes’. She turned and scowled at me when the bear prepared to run across dangerous ground with lots of erupting steam vents.

I said to myself “this is not how the story goes”… I changed it in my mind before it was even finished. Life is sad enough without sad films.


“The little bear was strangely unattractive,” I said.
“I didn’t like either of the bears.”
“I could see bits of Mulan in it as well.”

Next time we’ll probably watch The Jungle Book (an old favourite) and then I’ll get her to agree to The Emperor’s New Groove. I’ve seen it and she hasn’t… and I think she would like it. Also, I don’t think Mulan is in it anywhere. Perhaps I just didn’t notice!


Wrote just now in an email to someone:

Do you ever lose interest in your activities? When I’m really aiming for something, I seem to get interested in what I’m doing, but then… recently I don’t seem to have much heart for anything. I haven’t written in my private journal since voting (though it’s nothing to do with politics!) I can get up a wicked interest in news such as the Icelandic Ash Cloud stopping European airports in their tracks, and I’ll go and read to see what people are saying, and get excited when people want me to get involved in their projects, but then…

I think of things I want to talk about (on blog or email) and never say them. The moment passes. I’m reading a P.G. Wodehouse novel; I’ve always loved his books but even so, I pick the book up and then put it down. In the end it just seems easier to roll over and go to sleep.

I’m trying a new ‘keep fit’ game but felt thoroughly irritated by it from the outset… it’s just me, perhaps… not naturally being a sporty go-getting type! It doesn’t seem to irritate anybody else (according to their reviews… except in one instance!) I suppose if we take the time to review something, we usually really like it. But it has good points, so I’ll stick with it. It seems that when we learn our way around it, we can screen out the bits we don’t like and stick with the bits we do! More on that later (in a blog post).

Feel tired. Maybe there’s a link. But which came first — the chicken or the egg?

Posted in Computer Graphics, TV and Films

The Fog, the Fog!

When I’m working in the Bryce 3D image application, I sound like Hammy the Squirrel from Over the Hedge. After lots of puzzling over something I don’t understand, such as a strange transparent boundary that’s ruining my object mask, the penny suddenly drops…

“It was the vapour! OHHHHHHH!”

Shortly afterwards: “what’s that radial light doing in the clouds?? I thought it was down in that dark bit. I wondered why it was still dark there…”

Total 3D scatterbrain. I just want to speed-speed-speed up and down the 3D hedge, but the Bryce renders don’t keep up with my ideas. Sigh.

Mum, after days of watching me poring intently over the rock texture of a recalcitrant volcano, said she’ll soon be calling me Slartibartfast. You wouldn’t want me as a real-world Slartibartfast, but I would love a nice big Slartibartfast desktop picture, preferably of Bill Nighy. Only I don’t have time, so I hope someone else makes one. 🙂

“That was one of mine. Won an award, you know. Lovely crinkly edges.”

I wish.

PS: the above picture was the render zapped by the Windows update. Or should I say, its successor… It took 12 hours 16 minutes, so I was spot on about the time. I’ve been tearing my hair out because it looks bright and clear on the new Mac, and murky and horrid on the old one! I bet all of Slartibartfast’s computers are perfectly calibrated.

Posted in Art, Hearing Loss, Notepad Conversations, TV and Films

Waiting for Deep Conversation

We often shuttle handwritten notes back and forth when the TV is blaring or I don’t have my hearing aids on. But it can be disappointing at times! After a bit of silence, Mum will reach for the nearest notepad and start writing, and I sit in anticipation, wondering what it’s going to be. For instance, we cut in on a bit of TV about the landscapes of Constable (the views he used can still be found). So, what was it that came to Mum’s mind? Did she have something to say about art? Perhaps she had a view on the way Constable painted trees?

When the note finally came across to me, it said:

“When R. and I went to Suffolk we went on a trip to see Flatford Mill but the bus driver got lost so we never got there.”


Posted in TV and Films

Sky Limits

This news item is out: Sky told to cut wholesale prices by regulator Ofcom.

We had already decided to cancel our subscription to Sky Movies. There isn’t the choice we expected, and there are many repeats. My mother has been feeling angry about the monthly subscription, as she feels she is not getting good value.

I saw Disney’s Aladdin for the first time recently, enjoyed it, and wondered why I hadn’t seen it before. It just never seemed to show up on a TV channel that I was watching… and I only saw this one because it was recently on the Disney Cinemagic channel (subscription only). Aladdin‘s quite an old film, isn’t it? 1992.

I don’t suppose that cancelling Sky Movies will increase the number of movies we get to watch, but we don’t feel we get much choice even with it. It’s worse for those who can only watch the subtitled films. The TV guide has larger areas of dark blue (non-subtitled) than white (subtitled). It rattled me when I took a closer look at the dark blue areas (which I normally skip over) and identified a number of films and shows that I would be happy to watch. The Sci-Fi Channel is an example. I love Babylon 5, but it wasn’t subtitled. Very little is…

I had to go online to cancel our movie subscription, but (as I feared) we can add whatever we want with ease, but can’t remove anything. There was a phone number that could be called, but no email address. Finally went to the ‘Contact Us’ in tiny print at the foot of the page, and was able to fill in a form asking for the cancellation.

It doesn’t make sense to me that businesses do such things. Do they honestly believe that we will just give up and go away? The only result is to waste our time, and ensure that customers are thoroughly annoyed by the time they get in touch with a human being!

Got a reply saying that they are swamped with emails just now; we just have to be patient. Wonder what those emails are all about…?

Posted in Hearing Loss, My Cats, TV and Films

Something Thick This Way Comes

Today I was horrified to come home and find that my cat Samson had left muddy pawprints all round the toilet seat and down into the bowl… where he’s probably been drinking. I thought he had grown out of that by now, especially with his lovely cat fountain downstairs!

I warned Mum, and tonight there was a graphic toilet cleaner commercial. “We should make Samson watch this,” I said. The commercial was subtitled, and it zoomed in on a couple of germs inside the toilet bowl. One germ said “hey look, something incredibly thick is approaching!”

“In our house it wouldn’t be the bleach he was referring to,” I said, glaring at Samson.

Mum laughed and said “that germ was Tony Robinson.”
I opened and shut my mouth a few times, then said, “oh, you could recognize the voices?” (This skill in others always takes me by surprise!) Then I began to understand something about the expression he used. “Was he being Baldrick from Blackadder? That whole thing was a kind of Blackadder scene? Who was the other germ?”

Another thing that takes me by surprise is when people praise actors for their roles in animated films… I think “who? Eddie Murphy was in Shrek? But Donkey is Donkey!” So much washes over my head. 🙂