Posted in Junk Shop Finds, Life and Family, Music I Like, Teddy Bears

Flickering Lights at Halloween

My mood was changeable today, flickering between light and dark.

In the morning I was in a fury over everything evil taking place in the world. I meant to have a calm day shopping for ordinary things but exploded all of a sudden. It was both exhilarating and uncomfortable.

Right after that, I got upset because my best and only pen disappeared in my sister’s car. I was using it to write conversations to my mother, and stopped to show her something on my phone. I felt the pen slide off my lap but wasn’t worried, then when I looked on the floor for it, couldn’t understand how it could so completely vanish. There was a black metal box welded into place under the driver’s chair. I think the pen went under there but the box blocked me from searching. My sister will have to find it — it’s still lost in the crack in the universe in her car.

After coffee, we went into a charity shop and I saw a teddy bear lying on his back with his legs sticking out from on top of a row of books. He looked ordinary from that angle, but turned out to have a kind face and exceptional nose. I felt raw after the emotional whirlwinds of the morning, and though I told myself I should leave him there for a child, I needed comfort myself and couldn’t unpeel my fingers from him.

There was a screen over the counter with a small gap, and he crawled under and waited patiently to be rung through. It’s funny how the most comforting thing sometimes is to take something home and look after it. You don’t want to leave it there in the cold hard world. The world isn’t really that cold and hard in theory, or at least the chances of the next person being decent are very high… but there’s something deep down in me that doesn’t quite believe it. Cold stone, whistling draughts; no place to call your own… everybody needs a home.

He had a gentle soapy bath in the hand basin when we got back, and is still drying by the radiator. I will call him Johann, though I have no idea how to pronounce it.

Before that, we went for food from Marks and Spencers, and they had biscuit tins in the shape of haunted houses with open windows. They were reduced to clear so I got two, because there’s an orange candle inside to light them up.

We find Halloween lights comforting when it gets dark and chilly in the evening, so our mantelpiece is festooned with all sorts of soft lights, including the new houses. They look surprisingly good glowing in a shadowy corner.

I was still shattered after this morning and decided it was time to play a CD. I started with ‘1969’ by Pink Martini & Saori Yuki because I was in the mood for ‘Puff the Magic Dragon’. Then I switched to Playing for Change… ‘Stand by Me’. I played it several times tonight and felt happy while it was on.

Mum once told me her own mother was very fond of Halloween and was good at carving turnips. Sometimes she says I look like her, and it strikes me that we like the same things! Poirot said (in a spooky TV drama) that this is the time to burn a candle and remember those who have passed on. I watched the Halloween lights, listened to ‘Stand by Me’ and thought about my grandmother. Maybe she knows. 🙂

These are very bad times but we can still have our moments of comfort, at least for now. And in the end humanity will win through.

When the night has come and the land is dark
And that moon is the only light you see
No, I won’t be afraid; no, I won’t shed no tear
Just so long as the people come and stand by me

Stand by Me (Playing for Change)


I live in the UK with two cats -- Samson and Delilah.

2 thoughts on “Flickering Lights at Halloween

  1. Hi there, Delilah! I don’t know how I managed to miss your previous posts, but I was pleasantly surprised to see this one pop up on my reader today! Hope you are doing well and hope your days picked up on a more positive, happy note after this one. God bless! ❤️

    1. Thanks, I’m not gone, just quiet. 😁 We’re doing fine for now, hope all is well with you! The app doesn’t tell me any more when I get a comment; maybe I should check my settings.

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