The Passing of a Kind Person

On one of my sites there came the news that a long term member had died. She was around and posting very recently, so it was a shock to most of us. People who had been at loggerheads were writing in and saying how upset they were.

I am sad that D has gone. I’m sad for her children. I’m sad that I didn’t know more about her — I didn’t even know she was ill. Someone said D had been working through a list of people she’d had differences with. There was only one person left on the list, and though they weren’t reconciled, they were discussing it… and now the chance was gone and he was sorry. He wanted us to be honest and kind to each other in our postings and thoughts, and not shut people out. He said that we should bear in mind that the person we’re cold-shouldering today could be dead tomorrow, and it will be too late.

I had been thinking about that a lot recently. I’d woken around 5 that very morning (before hearing about D), and couldn’t get back to sleep. I was worrying about people miscommunicating and kicking each other to the kerb over minor things.

D was brave to tackle these difficult issues. If you worry about getting a bad response from someone, it seems easier to remain silent. Even if you know you won’t be around very much longer, people still have the power to cause hurt.

I think that guy’s right, and Mum keeps saying to me (whenever similar issues come up), “life is too short.” I can’t imagine her falling out forever with her best friends — they each have a core of stability, and you know that even if they get annoyed with each other sometimes, the channels of communication will remain open. And that’s how it should be.

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4 responses

  1. That’s one thing my Mum left with me – to say the things you want to say and not get beat up over things that don’t really matter to me at the end of the day. I may not be as lucky no not get to say goodbye to other people I love, so I’ve started to make a concerted effort to deal with things that come up with the people I care about. To let them know what I think and feel and not get beat up about little stuff. It’s tricky…

    Your Mum is right – it is how it should be 🙂

    1. “That’s one thing my Mum left with me – to say the things you want to say” — that helps, thank you! I spend so much time worrying about what I want to say, and feeling I shouldn’t say them. But if I decide to step back and say nothing, I end up kicking myself years down the line. Who knows what answer I would have got?

      The person who passed away was very kind and it seems she talked to everybody. Maybe some fell out with her along the way, but there was no malice in her… and now that she’s gone, suddenly everyone realizes what has been lost from the site. It makes me think… I would rather go out that way, than having held back so much that folk aren’t even sure who I was. 😉

  2. Haruki Murakami wrote a book about the terrorist attack on the Tokyo subway (it’s called ‘Underground’) where he interviewed some of the survivors. One account was from a woman who mentioned how she used to argue with her husband constantly, but after surviving the attack they never argued again – because who knew what might happen? That story always stuck with me.

    1. I can imagine how that might happen… I expect when they looked at each other, they thought of what might have been lost. Funny, I don’t seem to fall out with Mum at all now, though there used to be squalls whenever we spent more than four days in each other’s company. 🙂

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