Not Waving – Not Any More

I heard at the weekend that an internet friend killed herself. We were both members of a small, friendly forum, and I was on her jokes/Christmas card list. She was a nice woman, never a cross word… it was a real shock.

I don’t know why it happened… possibly it was bad news about her health; it was a bit early in her life for her to come down with anything seriously disabling. Or possibly she just lost all hope.

It knocked me off balance so much I didn’t want to talk, blog or email anyone, didn’t even tell Mum… though I answered the small group we used to be a part of. It really brings it home to you, how someone can be struggling so much and nobody is aware of it, and how you think someone will be there tomorrow, next week, next year, and the next five, ten, twenty years come to that… but boom, they’re gone.

She’s still got a small site on the web… came out the same year mine did (mine has since been dismantled). Contemporary sites! Similar average skill levels in setting them up, similar topics. It’s terrible visiting a site like that, feeling as though you could just send her a message… but you would never get a reply.

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11 responses

  1. That sucks — really sorry to hear it.

  2. I’m sorry you lost your friend.

    One of the blogs I used to visit posted recently that she wasn’t going to post anymore, that she was having too much fun in the “real” world. She suggested that we all go outside into the “real” world, too.

    It made me angry.

    We ARE real people, and the friendships and attachments we make are just as “real” as the ones we make face-to-face.

  3. Am sorry for your loss. That is always a difficult one to deal with, because it makes us aware of our own mortality and leaves us with an utter feeling of helplessness.

    Hugs, because words just don’t do it.

    Elizabeth

  4. Thanks, all.

    I know what you mean, Thomas… I always feel a bit rattled by the ‘internet friendships don’t count’ mentality. There are flesh and blood people behind the typed words, and it’s as easy to be hurt or pleased as it is outside of cyberspace. 🙂

  5. I’m so sorry you lost a friend.
    It is strange how internet bits of someone linger on…like art or music someone has made…good to remember them by, but strange, like if you turn around fast enough you’ll see they were there all along…

  6. Yes, I found she had left a comment on a news article! She got quoted, as well. These things will be there for months or years to come.

  7. I’m sorry, I can understand how it knocked you off balance. We feel the same regardless of how we know people… the thing is, we do know them, we know them as much as they want us to know them. On some levels, we know them more… Hugs xx

  8. That’s insightful, Daffy… you feel a bit as though you know them better in retrospect. At the time that you know them, they’re more hidden. Thanks. 🙂

  9. Sorry to hear about that. I don’t think bloggy friends are any less real than face-to-face friends, in both the lack of insight we might have about what’s really going on in their heads, and in the loss we feel when they leave.

  10. It gets you just as much… and in this case there were some real life connections. This was someone who had gone to the same events and knew the same people. We were moving in the same circles for about 8 years. It was not something I ever imagined would happen, but as a friend says, “you never know what’s going on in people’s lives, do you?”

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