Musical Presence

The song in my head just now is I Am Always Touched by Your Presence, Dear by Blondie. I don’t know why.

Stay awake at night and count your REMs

Last Friday but two, we were in a café and some music came on. I recognized it without knowing it. I didn’t know what it was. I don’t think there were vocals, but it was so low maybe I just didn’t hear the higher notes. Yet I recognized it as something I had hanging around in my head periodically without realizing where it came from.

It was still in my head when I woke up the next morning, and I mentioned it to Mum, who looked surprised. “I didn’t hear any music there.”

A few days later we went back for a coffee, and music came on, though it was a different and more nondescript tune. I drew her attention to it by writing in the conversational notepad:

“Do you hear the musak (below the wails of the sprog)?”
“Yes but not too bad for me.”
“It’s an underbeat – that’s why it stays with me.”

Subliminal Tinnitus

Friday 24th October

Well, I’m aware of the tinnitus, but often confused about the source. I sometimes suspect that the ghostly music is based on some very low sounds or vibrations I’m not fully aware of, with my brain trying to make sense of it by turning it into a tune.

Right now there’s a soothing hum… it’s like the Corries playing a guitar and singing on a distant rocky shore. You can taste salt on your lips from the sea spray. It’s gusty autumn weather after a recent rainshower, and the blue sky is grey around the edges — but it’s sunny for a while, and the Corries sing. But just as the song rose a little, I felt the desk vibrate under my arm. The ‘song’ dropped away, and so did the vibration. Then I remembered it was the Mac… I hardly think about it, but it’s like the sea breaking on the beach. Gathers in pace, then falls away…. gathers in pace, then falls away… Mum could hear it downstairs; like me she doesn’t always notice, but when she does, it starts to annoy.

Maybe it doesn’t turn into a gentle Corries lullaby in her head.

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