Years ago I figured one way to increase my confidence (and reduce panic) would be to improve my speech, so the doctor put me in for some speech and voice therapy. The speech therapist told me I spoke too quickly and failed to give full value to each sound.
The voice therapist (a different lady from the speech therapist) said I had a lovely voice but was too quiet. Folks with hearing loss are thought of as having loud voices because they can’t hear themselves, but I’m completely the opposite. Maybe if you start off with good hearing you know what your own voice should sound like to you, and as your hearing fades, you increase your volume. I never knew what my voice should sound like to me, and it always sounds too loud, even when I’m (apparently) whispering.
Once I muttered something under my breath about someone who was still about half a street away, and he glared at me incredulously, as though he’d heard… so now I’m confused! Maybe it depends on individuals, and on which way the wind is blowing, and if I’m muttering something under my breath, it’s obviously something I really *mean* and so it might come out with more force than something less heartfelt…
It’s annoying not knowing for sure, but I wonder if anybody does actually know, whatever they think they know.
Do you know I can’t say ‘it’ right, unless I’m really concentrating on it? Even in my imagination, I say things like “you’re not showin ick.”
Ick’s frustratin. I yexpex am gablin again, and ick’s probly the mistake ah’ve alwus made. Am suppose to gif foo vayoo to ma wods.
I’ve always written better than I speak and was top of my English class at school (a large university-rated class). I was ahead of my primary class when we were learning to read. When I told a disability counsellor at the job centre that I was good at English, she looked incredulous at first, then sniggered over something clumsy I said… she must have been in a bad mood that day, as she didn’t trouble to hide her thoughts. Or maybe she thought if I was that bad at speaking I was probably stupid and didn’t know what people were thinking. Or maybe she assumes everybody is stupid and can’t read her thoughts. No, she was just in a bad mood. I should stop being such a drama queen!
I’ve been pondering over the word …. uh, would you believe, it’s gone right out of my head! (Bangs head on desk). What word?
Ah… ‘articulate’! People say proudly, “I am bright and articulate.” I’ve seen job adverts for ‘intelligent and articulate applicants’. I searched the internet to see if anybody used the word ‘articulate’ to cover writing as well as speech. There are instances of it, but mostly it refers to speech.
I’m a fluent writer but not an articulate speaker – except sometimes when I’m angry; then my words seem to flow out of me with great conciseness and force. It’s amazing. Most of the time I don’t really want to talk, like when I dreamed about refusing to talk to an executive. Part of the reason I didn’t want to talk to him was because I don’t like talking and probably wouldn’t express myself clearly. I lose arguments even when I’m right… some people never cotton onto that, even when I’m right more often than not in any dealings I have with them. It’s like being voted off The Weakest Link for all the wrong reasons. Funny how that pervades my dreams, more so now than when I was younger. When I was younger I dreamed that I could hear someone whispering, or that I could eavesdrop from another room, and it didn’t seem strange till I woke up next morning. Nowadays my dream conversations are full of frustration and angst.
Well I’ve got this far and I don’t know how to end my post! I’ll just go to bed I think… sweet dreams.