In the Air Tonight

Time flies, and I regret nothing.

A black-haired lad from my past. We met at a wedding.

It happened the way it did because it had to, and we still share certain memories. I wonder if he remembers the same things.

I regret if I ever said or did anything to hurt… though for a long time I didn’t know what else I could have done.

Last night I solved a mystery. I’ve blogged about tinnitus, and how it often takes the form of music, or seems to. I’ve seen it referred to as musical ear syndrome, which I quite like. It often dogs people with hearing loss.

Mine are not completely random… right now it’s a tune I’ve experienced repeatedly over the years. Not all the time, or every night; I mean ‘now and then,’ maybe once every couple of months.

I never understood where this tune came from, or why it should be one that returns frequently. I speculated that it matches noises in the house… bearing in mind that I’ve experienced this particular tune in my old house as well. It’s not specific to one building.

Last night (breakthrough!) I matched it to a song. I’ve not been playing any tapes, CDs or video clips. It wasn’t on TV. I haven’t seen the singer mentioned anywhere, or the song… but now I can almost hear him singing it in the background, and it definitely matches the MES tune I’m getting. Having seen the title of this post, you’ll already have twigged… it’s In the Air Tonight by Phil Collins.

The black-haired lad had a Phil Collins tape in his car. Once we were on a motorway at night, headlights all around. We sat in companionable silence, not talking, and In the Air Tonight came on. Of all the fleeting moments that come and go… we remember a few for the rest of our lives for their magical quality and significance.

When In the Air Tonight is playing, I think of him. He’s a ‘what if’; a fork in the path I turned away from.

Well I remember, I remember don’t worry
How could I ever forget, it’s the first time, the last time we ever met
But I know the reason why you keep your silence up, no you don’t fool me
The hurt doesn’t show; but the pain still grows
It’s no stranger to you or me

And I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord…

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4 responses

  1. That’s interesting as I’m active with making my tinnitus sound like music or a particular song (it seems quite easy to manipulate sometimes), so maybe it’s not the same thing, but sometimes my tinnitus does do it of it’s own accord. It sometimes sounds like some sort of symphony or something!

    Memories are strange, I remember a lot of things but they feel like they happened to someone else sometimes. I often wonder what the people I used to know are doing, if they’re happy. Its really interesting how certain sounds, smells and things remind us of things we think we might have forgotten, triggering memories.

  2. Isn’t it strange how music creeps up on you…
    I find a lot of my important memories can be triggered by songs. I’ve been listening to old albums lately and they’ve been taking me all over the place. Like a mini brain vacation…:)

  3. I find it varies; sometimes there’s a specific tune, other times it’s more like some grand, random opera, or a radio muttering on and on.

    I also wake quite suddenly, feeling convinced something just happened, as though a dog barked… but I don’t have my h/as in; how would I hear a dog even if there was one barking? It’s a kind of anxiety, as though I should be paying more attention.

    ‘Brain vacation,’ LOL… in truth it can be quite ’emotional’ (there’s that word again). It reminds you how you felt at the time, whether that was sad, happy, or even totally oblivious (‘just another day studying for exams’). That’s probably why we sometimes feel it’s somebody else we’re remembering — somebody living a life we don’t live any more.

  4. *exactly*…it’s like taking a look at yourself or a way you used to think or feel and not quite recognising yourself in it anymore. Strange…

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