We Are Never Alone

Mood: Lazy
Listening to: Humming buzz and slight whine (tinnitus?)

“They say we are never more than ten feet from a rat” said my mother to her friends, and they all went ‘bleuch!’

The conversation came up because they had all been talking about their fears, and rats figured well at the top. She did not hate rats as much as they do, and wondered why rats should cause more horror than things like heights, crowds, fire, enclosed spaces, deep water etc. Perhaps, as she said, it’s just that ‘we are never more than ten feet from a rat’ whereas most of the other things can generally be avoided.

I would rather deal with a hundred rats than climb a small mountain, face a raging fire, get stuck in a lift or make a public speech. I suppose I couldn’t be a pet minder otherwise – possibly Ace Ventura Pet Detective would disagree, saying any pet minder worth her salt would take all of the above things in her stride.

Mum told me about her friends’ conversation one day when I told her I had been coming home along a busy road (the sort lorries whizz along because they think they’ve left the residential area – which they have not). I was passing a car dealership and there was a narrow grassy verge alongside the pavement, and when I looked down, there was a rat sitting on the grass, almost at my feet. It was stuffing something in its mouth and then, without even bothering to look at me, whisked quietly off into its little burrow.

There you are – that’s confidence worth having. I envy the little soul.

Another thing I was thinking about – they say people on their own talk to themselves, but it’s not true. If you put ‘bugs’ in my house and listened, you would hear the following:

In bedroom, late at night: (Strangled shriek). “GET out of my bed! No, don’t wriggle under the quilt. My bed is MINE. Get your own.”

In kitchen, turning on the light: “Ohh… you’ll catch it if the cats see you eating their food. Don’t you waggle your horns at me, madam. Nobody invited you here.”

In hall: “Oh my! Look at you go! You’re Speedy Gonzales with 8 legs. Just be careful where you go to in there, as I don’t want to squish you in the door. That would be a shame.”

A little while later, in the ‘office’: “don’t you DARE disconnect – I’ve not finished surfing yet. THANK you.”

Do I talk to myself? I don’t think so.

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