Banned on Suspicion

Last night I was browsing self-catering holiday houses online and came across one that looked quite nice. It would be fine for three older women – a lady with her two grown-up daughters. Or so I thought! I suddenly noticed a stark sentence at the bottom of the blurb: “no single sex parties, please.”

“That rules us out, then,” said E.

The very thought! If I’d been drinking my coffee at the time, it would have gone all over the place. Though in a sense it’s no laughing matter – are we to be discriminated against because we don’t look like the average family of father, mother and 2.4 children? Even an average looking family of that description isn’t always a model of propriety… I suppose it’s a good thing that not all holiday properties have that particular rule in place. It’s easy for us to click the mouse and look elsewhere. Let it be known, though – they missed out on a quiet little trio who don’t:

  • break things and hide the evidence
  • get mud on the carpets
  • leave inky hand prints on the walls
  • play loud music till three in the morning
  • cavort in the bedroom (or anywhere else)
  • scream and laugh in the garden
  • kick balls around endlessly
  • lose counters and jigsaw pieces from the inhouse games
  • gamble and drink
  • steal the towels
  • surreptitiously smoke in bed (or anywhere for that matter)

What we do do is:

  • collect teddy bears
  • sip the occasional rum and coke in the evening
  • nurse our aching feet
  • play The Lord of the Rings, The Willow Game or Catopoly
  • make rude remarks about Diddum’s favourite TV shows
  • grumble when it turns out the TV doesn’t support subtitles
  • try to stake a claim on the bath before Mum does
  • pay up for anything we do happen to break
  • accidentally leave our CDs in the inhouse CD player (Edit Jan 2008: or so I thought)
  • clean and hoover the place (and take out the trash) before leaving again.

Oh well – seeing as we’re not wanted, we will remove our tainted presence to some other holiday hovel.

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