Mum's cat Grumble
Saturday 3rd January 2009
My dreams on Friday night were full of cats.
First I was sitting reading, and Mum’s cat Grumble was pacing up and down restlessly. There was a clanking noise at the window and I looked up… he had caught the blind cord with his paw and was pulling it. The blinds opened, letting daylight through the horizontal slats, and Grumble paused and looked out. Satisfied at last, he gently let the blind cord go (he didn’t just drop it), and the blinds closed.
I was amazed, and thought “I’ve never seen any cat do that before… that’s something to boast about! I’ll tell everyone I know, and blog about it as well.”
Shame it was only a dream. Blinds are not designed in a cat-friendly manner…. I’m sure if they were, cats would be opening and closing them all the time. I told Mum about it, and Grumble listened with a smile. Mum said “Grumble is the last cat who would learn to do that.” Suddenly his smile was gone and he looked at Mum with a hurt expression.
Back to the dream: Mum was talking about big cats. She said she thought some of her cats were big, but that was before she met my Havana cat Thor. He was not bigger than breeds like the Maine Coon, or other cats which are bred to be fairly big, but for an Oriental he was a lovely long-limbed, long-tailed boyo, and he made the room shake when he jumped off chairs. I don’t know why I called him ‘boyo’ as I never said that to any of the other cats.
My latest cat, Samson, is growing into a big boy himself. He reminds me of Two Socks the wolf (in the film Dances with Wolves)… there’s something about his eyes, tufty fur, gangling limbs and hesitant curiosity. Samson is not as shy as he used to be, and when Mum’s cat Cheeky tries to terrorize him, he terrorizes her right back. But when he first came here as a kitten, he was like Two Socks… you would reach out a hand to him, and he would yearn to come up and trust you, looking at you with beseeching eyes, and at the same time pulling backwards, as though being pulled in both directions by invisible strings.
Nowadays he’s huge, and full of himself. When I was putting the reflective collar on him at Christmas, he grabbed my hand in his teeth.
My cat Samson
In any case, we had been talking in my dream about ‘big cats we have known’. I went out of the room, then thought of something else to say, and came bouncing back, talking nineteen to the dozen. To my embarrassment, I found myself talking to a young man who hadn’t been there before. He was a young Tom Hanks, but I didn’t realize that in the dream. I finished what I was saying, and smiled at him, and he gave me a stiff look, then turned away and started talking to my sister about something else altogether.
I was stunned…. I’d said something to him, and he’d ignored me. And in front of other people! The shame of it. They used to call that ‘being cut dead’. I turned in a dazed way to see if the others had noticed; from their uneasy expressions I knew they had. But because the man was talking to them, they were politely answering. It took me just a split second to take that in, then I gave him a piece of my mind. Mum stepped in, barking “I’ve just about had enough of this!”… and although I knew she was protecting him because he was our guest, I couldn’t help wondering “had enough of what? He’s the one who started it. I only just this minute blew up at him.”
A couple of days ago (not in the dream!) I was talking with a friend who said some people who speak to her husband ignore her, and her views are more likely to be challenged… by vets, for instance. They listen to her husband politely, but shrug her off. She’s a lively, well-educated, intelligent woman who makes up her own mind about things. I respect her hugely… but I think it’s true that men are taken more seriously.
Mum enjoys Miss Marple films, particularly when the male policemen are dismissive and Miss Marple has some sharp rejoinder ready. Mum said once that when you are young, people look at you and are kind; when you are old, people notice and greet you; but when you’re neither young nor old, you become invisible.
Someone I know has an expression that always makes me edgy: “she’s old enough and ugly enough to look after herself.” She means it in a humorous way, but I wonder if it’s the basic unthinking rationale behind people’s selections of whom to be nice to.
My big boyo Thor, RIP
January 6, 2009 at 2:25 pm
“Blinds are not designed in a cat-friendly manner”
This made me snicker…we have a window in the basement that is currently without a blind…Gavin got tangled in it and panicked, trying to get lose, but ending up plopping off the ledge and running away with the blind attached to him.
I too find that people will address my husband about things and ignore me when we both go into stores or meetings. Frustrating at times, as often I’m the one with the knowledge/questions on the topic and he has to turn pointedly to me and ask me something and I respond…then strangely people pointedly ask *him* again…and so he does the same thing to make a point. Some people get it and start to talk to both of us, thankfully. I recall an old friend asking me to ask my husband things about his computer for repairs and the like (which I politely tried to help him with at the time but was ignored) and finally got annoyed and broke it to him that I could ask J but he is not the “computer guy” at all…I am. The friend was quite embarrased. I could razz him about it as I knew him (and I did), but other people (mostly salesmen) never stop. Annoying.
On the other hand, I’ve found that I can, through sweetness and smiles achieve far more than J in a setting where things need to be smoothed over. Somehow it’s easier to take criticism from a woman…?
I’ve gotten annoyed trying to figure it out sometimes. The fine line between being knowledgable and strong is often a negative thing for women.
Oddly enough in the science world this doesn’t happen as much…which I find reassuring.
January 6, 2009 at 9:39 pm
That sounds like the sort of thing our cats would do!
That’s interesting what you say about the science world being less biased. Perhaps provided you’re in their territory, things would go better than if someone thinks someone else is encroaching on their territory. A kind of defensiveness will come into play. As an editor, I never managed to convince the IT guys that if I said X was wrong with the programming, that it wasn’t that I had made some basic user mistake. Even when they looked into it and discovered I was right, they never seemed to learn, and always said the next time something happened that it must have been something I did wrong…
January 6, 2009 at 10:36 pm
I think there’s a lot of “invisible people” out there, of all ages.
January 6, 2009 at 11:15 pm
Two hefty topics in the same blog. Wow. I agree with Thomas again, there are a lot of “invisible” people out there. When I worked in the bookstore, I had a friend who would come in regularly to just talk. She told me that when she turned sixty she found out she was invisible, especially to clerks in stores and such. But, now I am sixty-two, and although I occasionally see why she said it, I also remember her very clearly because she was a very distinctive individual. She had wispy white hair that was always coifed in an atractive fashion and often wore clothes she designed herself, using buttons she collected and attached like jewelry. She was one of the most creative individuals I have ever met. Certainly not invisible.
But, your dream is even more intriguing. Cats are a symbol of independence that leads to the development of leadership qualities. They are often seen in stories as wise teachers, going their own way, while occasionally dropping pearls of wisdom before those who just might listen.
In your dream, your cat opens the blinds and lets in the sunshine, allows it to lighten and brighten your world. But then you come face to face with another individual who cuts you dead, but is given the okay, because he is “company.” Lots of interesting action and messages in that dream material.
And before I turn this into an outright novel, I think your boyo is absolutely gorgeous and regal.
Elizabeth
January 7, 2009 at 12:04 am
Thank you.
Boyo had lots of self-belief and presence.
That’s an interesting slant on Grumble and the blinds! I did feel as though he had let sunshine into my world in a way, as though he’d given me something to be pleased about.
As for the second point about someone being rude to me, I believe it’s an internal battle! Wanting to protest more than I’ve allowed myself to (for various reasons).
January 7, 2009 at 12:08 am
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January 7, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Hi Diddums, I think it might be time to re-examine those various reasons. Actually I think that might be what the dream is all about. Holding back means swallowing not only the words, but also the feelings that generated them. If nothing else, exploring those reasons would probably fill at least a couple pages in your journal, lol. That’s the best place to do that sort of sorting out.
Elizabeth
January 8, 2009 at 7:14 pm
True… my journal these days seems to be a little more about where we went and who we were with (part of the value of it is to be able to look back and check events when needed). Then funny things people said or did, unless it’s already in my blog. Sometimes there’s a little about grievances, annoyances or fears, but less than there used to be.