Thoughts on Middlemarch

“That element of tragedy which lies in the very fact of frequency, has not yet wrought itself into the coarse emotion of mankind; and perhaps our frames could hardly bear much of it. If we had a keen vision and feeling of all ordinary human life, it would be like hearing the grass grow and the squirrel’s heart beat, and we should die of that roar which lies on the other side of silence. As it is, the quickest of us walk about well wadded with stupidity.”

Yesterday I finished Middlemarch by George Eliot.

I don’t believe the following is a spoiler, as I don’t refer to the plot or individual characters, but if you are going to read the book, wish to start with a blank slate and don’t even need the persuasion, you might want to skip this, in case. :-)

It was a surprise of a book… a slow and graceful waltz which illustrates life in a small English town in bygone days. I didn’t know if anything more would come of it, but in fact the pace quickens and there’s a strong finish.

George Eliot is at pains to point out that life continues after that climax, with people either becoming what they want to be or getting lost along the way. Eventually they pass on, leaving room for young hopefuls, who tread similar paths while thinking them new.

Major social events (such as weddings, births and funerals) tend to be skirted around, with the main focus falling on events both before and after: the things that make all the difference.

It’s remarkable how a person’s life and character can be so affected and changed by individual decisions, both great and small. One person getting married or deciding to do good instead of evil, evil instead of good, or walk this way instead of that, could utterly transform the lives and characters of the people around him/her.

It reminded me of An Inspector Calls in that respect… how separate and apparently irrelevant actions by different people could impact on one individual’s life in a major way.

Parts of Middlemarch are dry and hard to follow, but there is plenty of humour and liveliness, and the style in general seems to loosen up in the latter half of the book. A quality I like about some of these older books is that there is a focus on redemption, forgiveness and change of heart, whereas many of today’s books and films have a shallow quality, demanding indignities and vengeance to be inflicted on unsympathetic characters.

“What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult to each other?”

Sometimes I couldn’t decide if I liked or sympathized with a Middlemarch character or not, which is like real life in that we don’t know everything about people. Our views are irrelevant anyway, because people have both good and bad things about them, and have good and bad experiences regardless of our opinion, and they make friends with people we like, even when we wish that they wouldn’t…

“‘I suppose we never quite understand why another dislikes what we like, mother,’ said Mary, rather curtly.”

I was amazed at the corners and shadows of human nature that George Eliot explored; it made you wonder what she has experienced in life to know all of this. Some of it falls in your own experience. It’s unsettling to know that you are thinking and feeling no differently from people back in the 1800s, but then you ask yourself what else you expected? As George Eliot said, these paths have been trodden and these stories have told many times before.

“I protest against all our interest, all our effort at understanding being given to the young skins that look blooming in spite of trouble; for these too will get faded, and will know the older and more eating griefs which we are helping to neglect.”

“…people were so ridiculous with their illusions, carrying their fool’s caps unawares, thinking their own lies opaque while everybody else’s were transparent, making themselves exceptions to everything, as if when all the world looked yellow under a lamp they alone were rosy.”

Slight Disruption

Was unable to get into my blog last night… some other sites failed as well, but I was able to get into yet others. Must have been something to do with my ISP. I kept getting email notifications about an ongoing discussion on a forum that I wanted to read, but I couldn’t get in!

I whiled away the time by searching for a new ISP, but I haven’t found one that’s at all satisfactory. They cost too much, have too many unwelcome stipulations (e.g. routers you don’t want), have too long a contract, offer too low a download limit, don’t appear to have good customer service, etc etc… at the top of the ISP review site should be a sign: “abandon hope, all ye who enter here!”

Had a short break from Middlemarch while my Kindle recharged. I could have read it while it was recharging, but that would have chained me to my desktop. I picked up a paperback (Homeworld by Harry Harrison) but Middlemarch is my first priority. It would be too infuriating if I stopped at the same spot I broke off at before!

By joining Facebook, I have shaken the resolve of a friend who was determined not to, and now she’s wondering if there’s anything in it for her too. I think it’s a bit of a tiger to have by the tail, but could bring certain benefits. Was going to talk to a cousin about family history.

I wonder if I’ll be able to get into my blog tomorrow… fingers crossed! We haven’t exceeded our download limit, so it’s not that.

I tend to hibernate at this time of year… and just now, the early New Year, is always the worst part. It’s a time when I should be doing this or that, but can’t put my mind to it.

Will potter off now… (Fails to get up from chair).

Being and Facebook

I’m halfway through Middlemarch now. It’s like wading through treacle, though a cousin says he read Being and Nothingness by Jean-Paul Sartre and by the end of it, he still didn’t know what any of it was about. At least Middlemarch isn’t that bad. But, for example, it said something about ‘a small innocent noise as of a tiny timid quadruped’, which I assume is a periphrastic way of saying “squeaked like a mouse”.

You do have to have your brain switched on. Fortunately I read this half of the book before, making a surprising amount of sense out of it (more than I do now!), so I can afford to coast a little.

I finally got dragooned into using the dreaded Facebook and it’s a bewildering world indeed. I thought I could just sit there in my Faceburrow and only talk to three or four family members, but I seem to have befriended others along the way. Facebook isn’t interested in people staying walled off. It says “there are all these people you could be friends with; they know everyone you know!”

It unnerves me how you have friends from the next village talking to your family who live several towns away and have never met. It’s a weird feeling, like mixing curry and cheese.

I suspect the main reason for my finally joining Facebook is that I noticed I could annoy people from my Kindle with highlights, notes, ratings and “I bought this novel on Amazon.” I rather wanted to do that. :-) Of course, instead of impressing them with some of the weightier titles I downloaded beforehand, I seem to be going through a Children’s Books phase. So at the moment it’s “I downloaded Five Children and It!” Maybe I should keep quiet till I’m back to George Eliot and her like…

My excuse for downloading A Christmas Angel (if asked) is, “I went looking for Jean-Paul Sartre but got side-tracked.” It’s true, after all…

Going Yellow

Decided to try a blog post a night.

I worry (ludicrously) that I will zoom so quickly through all the books available to my Kindle that there will be nothing left in the world that I haven’t read. Maybe my mother had a similar sensation when she was young… she said she read everything that came her way, in no particular order. (I was asking if there was any reason why she picked Pickwick Papers as her first Dickens read).

For the Kindle I downloaded two free books today: The Enchanted Castle by E Nesbit and Daddy-Long-Legs by Jean Webster. I chose the first because I don’t think I’ve read it, and the second because I read it ages ago and enjoyed it.

I’m still slogging through Middlemarch. Still finding a lot to highlight, despite the heavy language. It’s interesting how she switches through different varieties of heaviness depending on the speaker.

We went to a neighbouring town today, and the Kindle came along in my trolley. I didn’t think I would get a chance to read it, but it was nice to know it was there. I was giving it a little polish just now with a microfibre cloth. They say you can’t get fond of ebooks the way you get fond of printed books, but I’m not sure I want to, any more… an e-reader is risky as it is; it becomes ‘all books’ to you, or at least ‘most books’; a kind of companion.

You begin to understand why some might try to cut themselves off from possessions in an effort to just ‘be’… to avoid negative emotions connected to desiring things or trying to keep what you have. Someone was saying in a Kindle discussion that you have to move on from your old books, even if they meant more to you than books you obtained more recently. He doesn’t think we should have our Wind in the Willows (or Narnia books or Rupert the Bear books or whatever) just sitting there because we’ve always had them and can’t imagine letting them go!

It did surprise me when I had a look inside some small Asterix paperbacks I’ve had since the 80s — I found those (despite my care of them) were going slightly yellow. Books (printed ones) get old. That’s how much time has passed since I was a student…. yellowing time!

But I wonder if it’s unreasonable to think we shouldn’t get attached to possessions… it’s part of who we are. You get used to things, especially the useful things that you handle every day. There are the objects that act as ‘landmarks’ in a sense…. “you are here… nowhere else.” What is unsettling is the sensation that things are lost as you go through life. Books come and go, as do other things…. people and animals come and go… homes and places change… some find that places they knew change out of all recognition, and they don’t want to go back because it will be just like any other place. And, right at the end, all that you are is lost as well, and seeps away into the cold and dark.

Perhaps books continue to hold a spark for us of people who have already gone, but we don’t need the old yellow copies in order to love and keep them.

Thoughts of a Nobody

The reason I hesitate to blog these days is that my mind swarms with a million and one little things… I don’t know that I can put them all into one coherent blog post. And in a way I’m not sure I can express them well; I seem to turn a perfectly good thought into something half-hearted and nonsensical.

A while ago I blogged that Middlemarch by George Eliot was one of the classics I felt guilty about not reading, so I made a point of starting it one day. I only got halfway through. But it wasn’t because I didn’t like it; I was quite curious about what going to happen next. The problem was this: I looked at the condition of the paperback itself (an old second-hand one)… and didn’t want to touch it any more!

That was several months ago.

My sister gave me a Kindle e-reader for Christmas, and it hasn’t left my side! I love it. I have downloaded a lot of old ‘freebie’ classics, and also bought 99p bargains from the 12-day Kindle Sale on Amazon (over now). I finished Little Lord Fauntleroy today, and was about to start one of the others… then I thought “what about Middlemarch?” I downloaded that free from Amazon and have begun again from the beginning.

It has American spellings, but I can live with that for now… at least I am able to highlight things. I have got so used to highlighting all the bits I like that I find myself reaching for the ‘highlight’ button even when I’m not on the Kindle! If you say something pithy in an email, I want to highlight it and keep if forever in my clippings. (Not that I can — I don’t get emails on the Kindle!)

I have no previous experience of George Eliot, as I have read absolutely nothing else of hers… and in a way I wasn’t expecting much. I figured the books might be very dry, and possibly a bit depressing, and that’s about it. But the highlight button got into top gear from the first page of Middlemarch. Some of it seems to express how I feel… the blundering through life, unable to turn your ideas (or ideals) into any kind of material shape. Perhaps this is how women in particular felt back then, but it’s a feeling that hasn’t gone away.

Sometimes when there’s a lot going on inside my head, my blog seems the place to visit, but I worry that would be a mistake. You wonder why anyone would want to know what you think about things. If they have the same ideas already, they will not be impressed; if they have different ideas, it might be because they know better. Though I love to see my ideas out here, already expressed by others… that makes me feel that we are all the same underneath. Even if, in general, you can’t make people out, it is reassuring to discover (through some medium or other) that they have the same experiences and concerns.

It turns life into a Comedy of Errors, I think… if we are so cut off from each other that we think we are the only ones to feel stupid or scared, make mistakes or come across the wrong way, life swings towards Tragedy. Nothing is more frightening than aloneness.

This is why we like books; we can make contact…. get a glimpse of someone else’s thoughts without being kept at arm’s length by all the “hello, nice day!” stuff. Small chat can be draining in a way that a good pithy book is not.

The concept of ‘following’ another person’s Kindle highlights and notes bemused me… but after thinking about the above, it makes some sense. After completing a book, I look to see if others have highlighted the same bits that I did. I got the feeling that a lot of people, after an enthusiastic start, went to sleep in the middle of Diary of a Nobody… but they woke up towards the end. ;-)

Signs of Life

After a lot of buzzing and blinking, the screen slowly flickered to life…. the Diddums robot sat up and looked blankly around.

It thought for a moment, then the following words appeared on the screen in green letters.

 Working on blog post….

 Working on blog post…

 Working on blog post….

 [Click click whirr].

Birthday Bertie

Another of my birthday bears… named him ‘Bertie Wooster’ (sister’s idea). He’s been sitting on my desktop for ages, waiting his chance!

WordPress Ads

I saw the ads at the foot of my latest blog post while logged out. Nearly deleted my entire blog on the spot! So much for my ‘mellowing with age’.

Mellowing

The older I get, the mellower! It’s strange. Either that, or living with Mum is making me civilized again. There’s nothing like a little light banter every day to make you feel nothing’s that serious or annoying.

Well, I read some WordPress posts saying we should blog often, even if busy or tired, so I’m trying. I got busy doing five pictures at once (one for a small informal contest… nothing special or grand) and when I started posting them, it all turned into a bit of an anti-climax. I’m still working on Pictures 4 and 5, and have even added a Picture 6, but the pace has slackened noticeably.

Maybe it’s time to socialize a bit… all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy!

Mum caught me looking abstracted the other day. I explained I was thinking how naive I was as a 20 year-old. My friend Honey and I didn’t know that the slang word ‘barf’ wasn’t a cute word for ‘bath’! But another 20 year-old… a boy… knew perfectly well what it meant.

I was wondering how both Honey and I got to the age of 20 not knowing that, and she said little boys always collect rude words to impress each other!

Perhaps. But I’m glad it was not just me! Possibly Honey and I realized we had exactly the same depth of ignorance, and so we were in the same boat… hence our friendship, which still goes on, though on different sides of the Pond.

In those days we didn’t have the internet. I’ve learned a lot from it since I got online, and I can’t imagine doing without it. I probably wouldn’t even be using software like Bryce… might not have heard of it. Might not know as much as I do about Photoshop etc. Won’t have heard of certain bloggers, and be wondering how they’re doing…

Thinking how nice it will be to get some sleep, though… that’s something that comes with age. I remember telling my favourite primary teacher that I never wanted to go to bed, but in the morning I never wanted to get up, and it seemed rather odd. She said when I got older, I’d be very glad to get to my bed, though not wanting to get up in the mornings remains about the same. Some things we can always count on. :-)

Memory of a Garden

Well, I wimped out of blogging my letter to myself (it was a WordPress prompt… write a letter to yourself to be read in one year).

It wasn’t all that personal a letter so I don’t know why I wouldn’t post it… this British trait of fearing to seem ‘too earnest’?

Perhaps we think being too earnest tempts fate and earns ridicule. I would rather have written something very light, amusing, and happy-go-lucky! Anyway…

The following image was part of the letter… I found it that day and was surprised, as I didn’t remember doing any panoramic images. I remembered trying, and finding it was impossible to do a good one unless you have the right kind of tripod or lens (way too expensive for normal people). But it seems I did end up with pictures to make me think “oh yes, those surroundings are so familiar!”

This one is only half of the garden… it was a bright day, so I assume the other half was over-exposed.

Rough panoramic image of my garden.

Click image for slightly larger view.

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